the state of things

Mar 17, 2015






Lately, life has felt a bit jumbled, and much harder than it should really be. I'm so lucky - I get to spend my days puttering around with two of the greatest monkeys on the planet - and yet, these last few weeks (months, really) I've felt it all to be just a bit too hard.

And there's no reason why. When I step back and look at it all, I love every bit of it - my husband, my kids, staying home, this home we've made, the little bits and the big that make up life right now are all wonderful. But still, this dark cloud hangs over.

So I'm practicing gratitude. Openly, here in this space, as often as I can and for as long as I must. And then some, I'm sure, because gratitude is good. And I have so much to be grateful for.

Like the fact that I gave Owen a hair cut by myself, and it's not the worst hair cut he's ever had. Not the best, but after the last few butcherings at the shop by trained professionals, I figure I can do at least that bad! Thankfully, he's not yet a kid that cares what his hair looks like, so long as we don't mess with it too much.

Like the fact that Lou has grown herself into 18 month clothes, and fights sleep in all the exact same ways Owen did when he was a year old. She prefers sleeping on the couch (beds are dumb, guys), and loves to get excited and scared and surprised at movies she's seen a hundred times.

Like the weather, which was so warm yesterday that we should have all been wearing shorts. And even though it's cooled off today, to 50 degrees, it's still nice enough to not need a jacket in mid March, which is unheard of.

Like the fact that I AM IN LOVE WITH TEACHING MIDDLE SCHOOL STUDENTS. I officially have that particular brand of crazy down, and my practicums this term have shown me exactly where and how and who I want to teach. It's such a relief!

Like the fact that, even when the laundry is never done, and the carpet needs to be vacuumed at least three times a day, whenever I want an extra hug or kiss there's three people here who want to give them out.

Like the fact that Zach can see how stressed I am, and takes overnight shifts more often than he should so that I can get some sleep and hopefully knock this black cloud away, and how he gives me big hugs as often as he can, and reminds me that our life is good and amazing, and our kids are happy and healthy and that I am, in fact, and despite what I may think, doing a good job.

Like getting hats off the needles still, one at a time, slow as molasses, but hats for others, none the less.

4 comments:

  1. there are days when that black cloud can darken and obscure the horizon, and you are not the only one hosting your cloud. Far away, across oceans and continents, there are others who host their clouds, and who, when practicing gratitude, find your blog as something to be grateful for!
    I read your posts, follow your minimalistic knitting guidelines, check out the links you share, and admire you for your big, generous heart.
    You are terrific, and dont ever forget that!...

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  2. Sometimes it feels that way. I remember thinking I didn't matter, but my children sure appreciated having me home. They have told me so. The days are long but the years are short ; )
    Blessings,

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  3. I feel as if I just emerged from the longest winter ever, I guess I have developed SAD over the years. I hope that things seem brighter for you soon. I suspect that we do some of our greatest growing when we endure these periods in our life, but if it continues you may need help.

    I love your posts, they are always interesting and your honesty is refreshing.

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  4. I spent 5 1/2 years as a SAHM and have been back at work part-time for 1 1/2. I had many days of gratitude and depression wrapped up together. Parenting is so hard. Hang in there.

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