the tiniest hat of all

Nov 14, 2012

pattern: Ideal Preemie Hat pattern by Keya Kuhn (ravelry link)  
yarn: stash yarn, probably sport weight
needles: size US 5 / 3.75mm dpns

last weekend, while sitting around my friend Wendy's table, our friend Paula asked me to knit a little blue hat. the hat, she explained, was for a co-worker who is currently six months pregnant.

baby hats! i love to make baby hats!

i began to ask Paula all sorts of details, like what the mom was naming her son, did she want ear flaps or bear ears or .... and Paula interrupted to say, no. this was not that kind of hat. the mom-to-be had just found out her little man has a birth defect that means two things - one, she will deliver incredibly prematurely (like, by the end of next week at the latest); and two, that he will not survive.

Paula thought it would be nice for this little man, and his heartbroken mama too, to have something handmade for his far too short time with her. a little something to show that he is so loved, that he is so special, and that he is cherished. a little hat for his little head for the far too little time his mama gets to hold him.  

is your heart breaking? because it's hard not to share this without tears.

so i set to work, finding a little ribbed hat pattern for a preemie. something simple (so it is there, but not the focus), something small (because he will be so small) and something soft.

and while the pattern name doesn't fit the purposes, the pattern surely did. the hat is perfect for this little boy and his brave mama.

i never thought i would knit a hat like this, but i am honored and proud to have made it. this hat has made me re-think the skeins of pink and blue baby yarn in my stash, and the types of hats i can make with them. and it has opened my heart to the grief that comes along with motherhood. you can bet i've been squeezing Owen a bit tighter the last few days!

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